


Hidden Scars

by Beleriandings



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Celebrimbor in Gondolin AU, Disturbing Themes, M/M, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-22 08:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2501573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beleriandings/pseuds/Beleriandings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maeglin has been returned to Gondolin from Angband, his scars hidden. Celebrimbor immediately knows that something is wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hidden Scars

**Author's Note:**

> The idea that Morgoth released Maeglin with his scars covered by a glamour I owe to LiveOakWithMoss.

"What happened to you?"

Maeglin tried desperately to look Celebrimbor in the eye, and not to flinch under the touch of the hand that reached out to cup his cheek with a tenderness that was almost jarring. 

These few months, he had almost forgotten what tenderness was, that it could exist in this world. 

"I was… away" said Maeglin stiffly, not looking into Celebrimbor’s eyes. "You know that the requirements of my duty to the king take me out of the city… the need to find new mineral deposits, in the mountains…" he swallowed. His voice had sounded strange even to his own ears, little used and croaky, or rather unaccustomed to putting words into the right order and making polite, reasonable sentences.  _So many of the words he had spoken lately had been cries of pain, pleas for mercy…_

Celebrimbor was clearly unconvinced, his eyes narrowed, one eyebrow lifting sceptically. His silver eyes were achingly familiar this close up. They had not spoken alone since Maeglin had returned to the city. Maeglin had hoped it would be easy, but now those eyes were flashing bright with concern, suspicion and something like the beginnings of pain. 

 _For so long he was my solace. Let him not know I betrayed him_ , thought Maeglin desperately, trying clumsily to close his mind to Celebrimbor as he felt the acutely well-known brush of their thoughts against one another. _Valar, if you are there, if I was ever worth anything to you… grant me that._

He knew he must be desperate to evoke the Valar, even to himself.  _For what help and pity would they have for Maeglin, the son of his father the dark elf and his mother the exile, and now a traitor too?_  And  _he_  had been a Vala too, the one who had rung the words from him, the one Maeglin had sold them all to, coward that he was, the one who had held him by the throat and touched him tenderly on his cheek, but with steel instead of flesh, until his blood ran down his neck and chest in red rivulets… the one who had split his mind and heart open and looked at the things he held dearest, using them to slowly and methodically break him into pieces.  _A Vala he too had been…_

 _No_ , Maeglin thought.  _It was he that had done it to himself._  He could almost hear the black one’s laughter in his head.  _That’s right, twilight child. This is the way it must be, do you not see? It is in your nature to betray. It is the only way for one such as you._

"What happened to you?" 

Maeglin was concentrating so hard that he took a moment to realise that Celebrimbor had repeated his question, a little more sharply now. 

This time Maeglin did flinch. “I…” Maeglin was conscious of the glamour that the black one had had his lieutenant put on him, to cover the scars and the half healed gashes and his hollow cheeks, his wasted, scourged body.  _We wouldn’t want them to know our little secret, would we my sweet twilight child?_

The glamour had settled over Maeglin with only a quiet tingling sensation, a slight numbing of the fingers and toes, and yet it gripped him like bands of steel. He had known then that he could not remove it. He had not the skill, even if he had wanted to. 

"I was away" he said brusquely, his voice catching a little in his throat.  _Away, yes, locked away in the dark, his mind and body the plaything of the black one._  He had gone away inside sometimes too, or tried to. It had helped little when they had locked him in dark silence, in a place where there seemed to be no walls, no doors, not even a smell in the air, and all there was was blackness. They had taken away the light, and it drove his mind into a spiralling panic, a madness, so that he was almost glad when they took him away for questioning. At least the blades and shackles against his flesh were cold and sharp. At least the red flames that raised welts on his skin provided light. At least when the screams ripped from his throat, he knew he was still real, that he had not slipped away into that consuming darkness.

Maeglin swallowed. “But now I am back” he finished belatedly.

Celebrimbor’s frown had deepened, his hand still against Maeglin’s cheek.  _He knows_ , thought Maeglin irrationally, panic coiling in his chest.  _He can feel the glamour that hides my broken face, he can feel the barrier between our minds…_  he bit his lip. _He must never know._

With an effort, he tugged his mouth into something that he hoped resembled a smile. He looked into Celebrimbor’s eyes. “I am back” repeated, to underline the point. He placed his hand tentatively over the back of Celebrimbor’s, against his own cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin.  _Fire beneath the surface._  

Celebrimbor took Maeglin’s hand slowly in his, a quizzical expression on his face, as though his mind were working furiously over the possibilities. Hastily, Maeglin pulled Celebrimbor to him, in a clumsy, rough kiss. There lips moved together in a way that was achingly familiar and yet felt alien to Maeglin, as unfamiliar as kindness. A kiss that was a challenge and a distraction, both at once. 

Celebrimbor responded, pulling Maeglin to him, but after only a brief moment he pushed Maeglin back, scrutinising his eyes once more.

Maeglin was determined not to yield, making an effort to arrange his face as it once would have looked in this situation.  _When had it come to that?_

"Alright" said Celebrimbor slowly, his eyes still narrowed. "Keep your secrets. But you know you can tell - "

"I know" interrupted Maeglin, before hastily pulling Celebrimbor into his arms again.  _Yes_ , he thought.  _I do know that I can tell you. I know that I can explain how I betrayed you, and myself, and everyone who has ever been kind to me. I could tell you all that; you might even understand._

_But I never will._


End file.
